Revelation (Attentus' Tale).

It came rather unexpected.

There was this strange feeling that accompanied him for the last few days, something that he couldn't put finger on, something disturbing. Busy with duties to the Keep he ignored it as a passing distraction, but the feeling didn't go away.

As the evening approached, Attentus went to his sanctum* in the Spellweaver Keep. There was some paperwork waiting, but he felt too sleepy to do it properly after a busy and rainy day. He changed clothes for a set of dry ones, and sat in seizan**, relaxing for a while. It felt so secure within his small stone room, listening to the muffled sound of the rain outside.. his thoughts calmed and peace came.

Focus on breath, focus inward..

As meditation became deeper, the sleepiness, tiredness and other distractions faded. He was focused, aware.. as usual. But this time there was something more, this little disturbing feeling that accompanied him everywhere. Attentus proceeded with his practice, not letting himself being drawn into this feeling or fighting it.. he just observed, waiting it to fade eventually.

Rumbling sound!

Surprised he managed to keep his focus.. Was it a hallucination or real?

The room darkened

He hesistated a bit and looked around, letting focus go. What was happening?!?

The ground shook violently

.. Attentus lost the balance and fell on his side, on strange impulse curling head to his chest, and protecting face with his arms ..

The wall before him exploded!

The stones flew across the room, small peebles cutting hiting his arms and face, the light coming from opening blinded him for a moment. It ended as suddenly as it started.. the next moment, it was quiet, with dust falling all around.

In place where wall stood, there were only old ruins. Attentus blinked twice and rose on his knee, dusting himself off.

Old ruins overgrown by grass, caressed by the sunrays of the spring morning. She was sitting on them, smiling teasingly in her gentle way.

It.. couldn't be true.. The ruins were too old, and it wasn't morning. His room was on 3rd floor and.. He shook head.. No, It wasn't real, just a vision experienced during meditation. But.. what was its meaning?

She stood up, turned back and left.

He reached forward, following urge to go after her but vision blurred and faded as soon as he touched the cold stone wall before him.

The dream is gone.

---
* sanctum - in this story it means personal room of the mage.
** seizan - one of meditative positions of kara-tur, sitting on heels.

-----

It took Attentus some time to recover his senses. For the next few hours he was laying, sitting on the bed, or walking around, unable to sleep as thoughts raced in his mind. Why? How did she affect him so much? Was it scary? No, it wasn't her.. the woman that he loved and feared is long gone.. it's something else.

Never before he was so unable to structure his feelings, and so clueless to find the answer.

He followed his past.. Family he was made to forget by a spell, many lonely years of apprenticeship followed by only few good ones... Then when things started to look right, when his life started to have meaning, he had to leave and continue on his own. His arrival in Norwick, early friendships. Friends found and lost.

The dramatic love that ended in a tragedy.

Life of danger, excitement, adventures.. His rapid ascent in Spellweaver Keep's ranks, growing fame and reputation. More friendships.. some of them genuine, in the midst of people trying to use him. Most of them died or left again.

The friends that betrayed him

It happened so many times and will happen again.. To protect himself, Attentus had built many walls around him, keeping people at certain distance. To remain sane - he was telling himself, To not let his position be abused and emotions hurt. If you do not make friends, you won't lose them.

To manipulate them more easily

But.. was it really so? Was he really hiding from people that would hurt him?

There was visible sorrow on Attentus' face.. One of these rare moments he showed true emotions, not just a mask of half-truths.

In a moment of sadness, an answer came.. A revelation of fact he was blind to for so long.

In truth he was hiding from himself, from his own fears and insecurities

The truth was both sad and refreshing. He even enjoyed the moment of bitter irony for a while.

He had built all these walls to protect feeling of security from demons that lurked just beyond his perceptions. He had built so many of these, that it became like a fortress of stone. For so long he was sitting there emotionally secure, but alone. Besieged by fears that lurked in shadows of the walls he was emotionally starving.. unable to grow, dying slowly.

And there she came, quietly passing through these walls with skill and courage he never imagined. The sight was breathtaking.. She kept approaching him, taking down walls he made, she made him intimately face his fears.

She made him face her

And when the wall went down, he wasn't alone. She was there smiling, holding his hand or just standing quietly. To his surprise he could see that behind the walls there was nothing to fear.

Attentus shook his head, a bit breathless as he realized how much she had done for him.

Some paladins were telling that she has corrupt heart. Perhaps.. but it was her who reached for him and offered help.

He knew that in past she had committed terrible deeds, acting in the desperation. A dark past she feared to reveal fully.

Was he any better?

Perhaps she walked the dark path further than he would ever dare, but there was also a clear light and gentleness within her. And she brought this light to darkest places she visited, to places where even angels didn't dare to go.

The dawn was approaching, and he could not remain in his room. He had so much to tell her.

Morning air was so refreshing.


THE END.